I’ve been struggling lately as I try to live out the day to day implications of trusting God with something. Not so much with trusting God but trusting Him with and in my hardship or struggle or whatever.
I trust in my head and my heart, but my hands get fidgety.
I’ll be specific: Justin and I are selling our house in Tennessee. It’s been on the market for six months. We’re selling it because we felt strongly led to minister in Round Rock, TX. Today, I am confidant this was the choice God wanted us to make.
But then there’s the house, a house I know God could sell tomorrow. But, here’s where the trusting comes in, He hasn’t.
So, I pray. I ask friends to pray. And I wait. I try to live on less money gracefully and joyfully. I live most moments of each day completely at ease, knowing God will take care of me.
But here’s the deal, sometimes I know God wants to teach us something in the waiting. So I start looking for lessons: And I spend way longer than I probably should trying to figure out why God’s waiting. My list of possibilities includes some truly ridiculous scenarios.
In addition to all the “why” meditating, I also do a lot of “what” thinking: What can I do to make it more marketable? What would be the best way to stretch this twenty dollars? etc.
Anyway, I find that if I let it, my mind begins buzzing with things I need to do and possible mistakes I’ve made in the past that I need to learn from. Peace seems extraordinarily far away amid all this noise.
And yet, I know I’m trusting God. I have no doubts He can pull me out of this small inconvenience. And I have no doubts that He wants the best for me. But what’s best for me? And is this situation really all that important in God’s eyes? Those kinds of questions swirl in the brain fluid, muddying my mind.
Anyway, I’m trying to figure out how to balance the importance of DOing something and the importance of confidence in God. How do we both do all we can to make something happen and embrace the reality that, for all our work, God is the one Who’ll decide when it happens?
I don’t just want to believe in God’s ability to rescue me. I want to live it.
Any sage advice?